After having indulged in the most fancy dinner of my life the night before I get up out of sorts, guilty and uncertain and thinking of McDonalds. I go by my parents' and talk about work and politics in an unusually short visit and then leave. I feel fidgety, alone. I have no plans today no obligations, just freedom, free time and choices. There are signs outside the De Frank Gay and Lesbian Center celebrating yesterdays victory and I wonder how it will play out in the upcoming election. The day is hot, my sunroof is open I have virtually zero credit card debt. What could be better? What could make me happy?
I drive without thinking sometimes, flipping through my ipod or nano looking for the best song, for definition. I pull into McDonalds this time and cut someone off in the process. I'm hungry but I don't care what I'll eat, I'll eat anything possibly three of them the cheese and grease all the better. It's 7.21 I think that is a high price for brunch at McDonalds. I am embarrassed by this splurge my boyfriend must think I'm disgusting, maybe I'll go for a run or take a nap or buy some beer and nap later. I don't care.
As I pull into my driveway an SUV is blocking me just enough so I have to make a crazy wide turn, I am cussing, WTF is your problem? What is my problem? I just want to get home and eat and in five minutes it will be gone and I will feel sick and I will turn the fitness magazine over so that the bikini cover is facing down because they should always be facing down because why would I want to subject myself to such a ridiculous comparison.
I look to my left there is a man sitting on the small ledge of cement in our parking lot next to a big plywood sign painted "free." I think that's funny in an odd way but I cant stop thinking about him. In three minutes I have 15 thoughts. He looks like one of the little people in the yucatan selling faux reminders of a past life, when the gods controlled the earth and the land was the livelihood and soul of the community. I wonder if the sign has anything to do with him at all. Free. I see he has two bottles of Coca Cola one half gone and one full. The sun is hot and he is resting. He can't be waiting for the bus because the stop is down the block. He is dark like I was when I was seven and would go swimming when I was free. When time meant nothing. When the maximum amount of daylight hours were all that mattered. I get home and my bike is gone meaning my boyfriend is gone on my bike and I am glad because I can eat a cheeseburger guilt free and he wont know I ordered way too much food for one person and am planning to eat it all. I scarf down a cheeseburger and wonder where the nearest ATM is. I get in my car and go to Longs and buy an energy drink and get the maximum amount of cash back, 50 bucks. The man ahead of me is buying Just for Men Hair Color and with the coupon he has provided he ends up paying nothing, it is free. He doesn't take a bag.
I take my 50 bucks and get in my car and drive. The man is no longer sitting where he was, next to the sign so I have to be fast. I park right there and he is walking and I am holding the fifty bucks which is 2 20's wrapped in 2 5's. I try to hand it to him. At first he wont take it and then he does and I get in my car and he looks back at me and I'm not there.
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